Sad News :(

I hate to be a downer, but I wanted to post this 1. because I've been tweeting about it and 2. because if I'm not posting as much or if I seem to sad or cynical or general bitchy, this is why.

On Monday, my husband and BIL went outside to fix a small leak in our roof (part of a series of bad events that had happened over the past few days).  Unfortunately, while out there, they noticed that one of our dogs, Pepper, was still "sleeping" in her house.  Normally one to jump up and be part of the action, it seemed odd that she wasn't getting up.  So, Tim went to go check it out.  Sadly, she must have died at some point during the day.  She was fine earlier in the day.

I can't tell you how sad this makes me.  We bought Pepper, a black cocker spaniel, when she was 10 weeks old, about 7 weeks before we got married.  When we went to the breeder, there were 2 black, female puppies to chose from.  One was small and dainty and the other one was a hoss.  I remember picking them both up to see how they'd react and the big 'un peed on me.  I figured that was my dog.  :P

She was our "trainer baby" for years.  I loved her like my own child.  Unfortunately, when the twins came along, I wasn't as able to show her as much attention as I used to, but I still loved her like crazy.  I feel like I have a hole in my heart and I can't go 30 minutes without getting weepy.  She would have been 10 years old this year, and she was a purebred that had a few health issues during her life, so it's not unrealistic that she died, just completely unexpected. 

I don't handle death well.  I find myself wanting to go out and get a new cocker spaniel that looks like her and name it Pepper, but then I remember it won't be Pepper and I find myself crying all over again.  Hopefully, in the next few days (weeks?), I'll start to accept it better.  We still have another dog and 3 cats, but losing Pepper feels like losing a child.

I tried like mad to find a picture of her.  Unfortunately, I think are all on long gone computers and online accounts.  But, I did manage to find one, though I had to scan it.  Here is she around Christmas 2003.  We'd dressed her up as an angel and made her our Christmas card that year.

RIP Pepper Ann Williams
9/7/01 - 3/7/11

I will miss you forever.